I’m giff happy and not sorry about it. They express the feelings inside that I have a hard time capturing in a picture or a freaking selfie. They are amazing and funny. Anyways, I digress a lot but as I am on my third one I felt like I had to throw it out there. Be ready for a whole lot more….just sayin.

So I will admit, I’m not a huge fan of swimming. I am constantly on the fence about it actually. I never learned how to do right properly as I taught myself and it puts me too far in my head. It’s like eggplant (no eggplant doesn’t put me too far in my head), I don’t like it nor do I hate it. I keep trying it in hopes of forming an opinion one way or the other but without avail. Of course I have to swim or this race will kick my ass but nothing is motivating to me right now about staring at the bottom of a pool for a hour or longer. Sharing a lane is the pits if you get a bad person. They crowd you, they hit you every time you pass next to them, and they create waves that almost drown you when you are trying to take a breath. All of this is good training and I know this. It is preparing me for the shit show that will be the swim that I am destined for.  BUT it doesn’t mean I have to like it. Of all the days I have to get up early to work out, swimming is the most dreaded. Nothing like getting up at the ass crack of dawn to throw yourself into cold water and swim with nothing but your thoughts good or bad to occupy your time.

So maybe my thoughts are the catalyses here. There are times I do enjoy swimming. I relish in the idea of being in my head sometimes. I usually come up with my blog post ideas during my swim. But there are other times that I’m not the greatest mindset, negative thoughts creep in and it turns my mood into toxic waste. You are probably asking yourself ‘then why in the holy hell would you do this to yourself?’ Trust me, I ask myself that very same question and often.

I think the biggest problem here is I’m hitting a wall. A mental and physical wall with this training. I’m almost 20 weeks in and still have 30 weeks to go. This has been such a long process already and I just want it to be over but I’m not even halfway there. This must be where burn out comes into play. Oh well, I will live to bitch another day.