This week has been a particularly hard one for me. To be honest the past couple of weeks have been building up to this moment. I have slowly started becoming more and more unmotivated. I was doing good sticking with my plan, getting my workouts in, staying motivated and then it came…..the big ass wall. I have not been enjoying my workouts, dreading them actually. This has caused me to skip them on several occasions which makes me feel bad for skipping and in turn I punish myself. I haven’t swam in over 2 weeks and every time my swim day comes, I make every excuse to not do it. The weather hasn’t helped my mood either.

I think there are a few factors that have lead up to this point.

My first one is I really miss crossfit. I miss the way I looked moving weights (I have been mentioning weight lifting and crossfit a lot in my posts) with only 1 hours worth of work. I do so much more work and I hate the way I look. Yes, I’m fit but I don’t feel that way. I want my muscles back!! I want to go back to pre-Ironman body. Shouldn’t I be losing weight not gaining it? I don’t know how to do this while I’m doing this type of training. I have been lifting weights over my lunch and I have been loving it but it is yet another workout I’m doing by myself.

Which leads me to my second reason. I have enjoyed my alone time as it has been very therapeutic for me and has allowed me to really work on some things that I needed to focus on. However I’m a social creature and I miss working out with someone else. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t really enjoy running with people and swimming isn’t really a social sort of workout but biking I can do with people and also crossfit. I also loved how individual crossfit is but it’s a community of sorts and I miss having a community. I miss having a support system. I miss having people push and cheer me on.

The third one is that I am so sick of working out INSIDE. Holy baby Jesus can the weather fucking change for the good already? It’s rained almost every day for the past two weeks. There is nothing fun about sitting on a bike in a room when you have a 3 hour ride or every run you do has to be on a treadmill. Swimming is just swimming, always staring at the bottom of a pool. I need the rain to fucking STOP already! On a more pleasant note, I did get to do an hour run outdoors this week. The only nice day of the week and I took full advantage. It’s amazing what a little sun can do.

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My first run outdoors in weeks. It was glorious!

The fourth is that I have been in a bit of a food funk. I enjoy food yes but I haven’t been cooking much and when I do I am not interested in eating it. When I eat out its good but never really hits the spot. I end up overeating trying to satisfy something that I don’t really know what it is that I’m trying to satisfy.

So in hopes to get out of this fucking awful state of being that I’m in I need to change a few things. The search begins….