I’m not going to lie because why start now right? This blog has been nothing but honesty so keeping with the theme here goes. In my 21st week of training I hit a wall physically and probably a little mentally but more physically than anything. I’m now struggling with mental cramps. Yes that is a thing that I made up but it makes sense. I’m not in a great place mentally when it comes this race. My attitude is pretty shitty actually.

Durning and after my triathlon a couple of weeks ago I questioned why in the fuck I am even still doing this and could I get my money back. This has been weighing hard on me the past few weeks. I don’t find enjoyment in my bikes, definitely not my swims and my runs are non existent not because I can’t do it because I don’t want to. I believe I have even said out loud, I don’t care if I even do the Ironman. Everything I do seems more like a chore than a means to an end goal.

I know my previous post was probably deceiving but the truth is that with the promotion I took I have been working a lot more hours making it a lot harder to get my training in and that fact doesn’t bother me. I welcome work over training at this point. I have another triathlon coming up and I am not even excited for it. Actually I don’t want to do it. Mentally I hit a wall. When anything you loved to do becomes a required thing, it makes it so much less enjoyable and that is how I feel.

Talking with JD about this, he said I need to hit the reset button because if I don’t, I will not be successful and the ironman will get the best of me. Now I don’t completely disagree. I actually 100% agree. I need to change something. I need to shift my mind set and telling myself to do so won’t change it. He suggested I take a couple of weeks off from training and do crossfit- something I love, miss and haven’t been able to do for a long time now.

I was sort of leery about this because I have 12 weeks until my race and taking 2 weeks off could hinder me but on the other hand, if I don’t and keep going at this rate my mental state will completely ruin me. I have spoken to a few of my biking/tri buddies and they agree. This could be the rest that I need to just shift my shitty attitude a bit. Knowing I have a triathlon coming up next week, I made the decision to start the week after that. As with muscle cramps, mental cramps also need to be massaged and stretched to get back to a normal functioning place. Here’s to mental massages!