Before I get to the tag line, I want to provide some back story cause it is sort of needed.

When I was in San Antonio for my dad’s swearing in, my mom and I decided to go shopping. My co-worker told me she loved the skinny jeans at American Eagle so we stopped in there. Boy was she right. I ended up buy 2 pairs. They fit great. They were both black so I knew wearing them before they were washed would mean I would end up with die on my body and clothes so I folded them up and put them in my suitcase. After all they are brand new so no need to put them in my dirty laundry bag.

When I got home I washed my new and dirty clothes. I wash EVERYTHING in cold water and I hang dry all my pants (yes this has relevance). I wore the pants once to work and hung them- I don’t wash my clothes every time I wear them unless they are visibly dirty so this case was no different.

About a week or so later I wore these exact pants to a conference that I was presenting in for work. I felt cute with my little grey booties, black pants and white with blue and grey striped sweater. During our morning break around 10am, one of the managers came up to me to talk about an employee. Not to look rude or standoffish with my arms crossed in front of me, I put my hands in my back pockets as I listened.

Mind you I never put my hands in my back pockets; they usually go in my front pocket or are crossed in front. Without my brain and my hands working together, I noticed that my hand was squishing something squishy in my back pocket. Not knowing what it could be I pulled out the item, looked very quickly at it and without missing a beat I put it back in my pocket. My mind quickly thinking while still focusing on the conversation- was that just what I think it was? I now stand with my hands hanging at my side until the conversation was over.

As the break was coming to an end, I hurried into the bathroom to fully inspect the item in my back pocket. As I pull it out- hoping no one walks in- my worst fears became my reality. It was a used condom that I had been toting around, hung next to my other clean clothes and now had fondled in my hand.

I thought to myself, my saving grace is that it was washed until I remembered I wash EVERYTHING in cold water and I don’t even apply heat to my pants. There was not an ounce of heat to disinfect this oh so gross thing and now I had to wear these pants for the REST of the day.

I threw it in the garbage and washed my hands. Just fucking great! The water only ran cold as ice so I couldn’t even get the relief of washing my hands in hot water. I don’t know how many times I washed and re-washed my hands. I used hand sanitizer like it was going out of style. Nothing I did could remove the grossness that was now my hand. If I could have chopped it off I would have. I couldn’t even bear the idea of it attached my body.

When I got home I immediately took off everything I hand on, threw them in the laundry and took the hottest shower that I have ever taken. I scrubbed my body until my skin hurt but I felt a lot better after that.


Moral of this story- people DO have sex and other things in the dressing rooms and will put the evidence anywhere it is convenient so ALWAYS check your pockets. Oh and make sure you wash them in hot water the very first time to kill any kind of questionable germs that linger on them.`